If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
