That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
