i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
