if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
