Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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