this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
