Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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