Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
