The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
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Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
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You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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