there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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