Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
