Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
