FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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