wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
