Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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