We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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