You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
