You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
