this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
