Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
