I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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