This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
