I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
