i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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