Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
