I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
