She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
nutella sex= disaster
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
