Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
