I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
