These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The air taste purple.
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