Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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