Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
