His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
