God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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