I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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