i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
