Already got asked if we're dating
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
