ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.