I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
