I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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