Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
