btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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