Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
