It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
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