talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
