I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
