He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
