She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
