Welp...herpes.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Every concussion has its silver lining
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
