He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
