I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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