the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
This is my gift to your gina
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
