Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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