Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
