Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
