Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
