woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
