u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
