Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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