after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
