Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
