She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
