We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
