Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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