I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
be right there i have to get my cape
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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