drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
