That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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