how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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