My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
