he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
