The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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