she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
