Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
