We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
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sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
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So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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