You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
