bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
