i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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